Due to the nature of our work and confidentiality of our clients, real names and places will not be mentioned.
If any photos or videos are posted they will not be from our facility. We HIGHLY maintain the dignity and respect of any deceased person we have in our care, one of the qualities we take pride in is being descreet.
Also I'll mention right up front, I tend to be a very private person, I don't divulge much about my personal or private life. So don't take offense if I don't respond back, its not in my nature to do so.......

In future blogs there will be a wide verity of subjects I'll be covering. So be sure to check back often. I generally work long hours, and I'm not great about responding to post *sigh* I know, I don't text & sometimes don't even check my email. This site will be mainly for those who are really interested in the funeral industry, and wish to understand if this is an avenue they may have a future interest in. I have thought
long and hard before attempting to write this, really I'd much rather not, some people simply are not interested in it, they really don't want to deal with the concept or idea of death or what we even do. I suppose despite having been in the medical field for so long I always knew I'd end up in this field, not out of morbid curiosity, its a "calling" I like a challenge, and it is a job that I find very rewarding yet humbling.  If you are thinking of going into it for the money, back out now. You have no place in this business then. You have to really be compassionate, and be able to emphasize with people, yet keep a calm, and certain level of professionalism to do this type of work. If not you won't last long, people can "read" you and they will know if your faking it. This is not for the faint of heart. And if you really care about your job, yes at the end of the day and many long hours of standing over a dead body, and emotionally charged funerals, you WILL be emotionally drained. But that's a good sign, it shows that your still human, and its the last final act of kindness you can do for another person, remember they can't thank you. So be kind & gentle *_* but most of all respectful, and treat them with dignity.

To Start: I'm going to address some really simple Questions & Answers I've been asked over the years.

1. Why is their body so cold to the touch? Once a person has expired, the core body temp, starts dropping, and will continue to do so generally till it reaches the state of whatever location it is found in. Generally it is taken to a morgue and placed on a slab, until it is taken to a funeral home or mortuary. There it will be placed on an
embalming table either made of stainless steel or porcelain tops, in a room that is kept very cold to retard further decomposition
.

2. Why is their skin so pasty gray? The most common cause is the embalming process has removed most of the blood from the body. The blood is what gives a person the flush in their cheeks, the pink tones around their nails etc. This can be somewhat corrected by the embalmer/restorative art. We use a "massage cream" made especially for embalmed bodies and apply it to the face and hands, before applying makeup. As the embalming process is very dehydrating of the tissues. What we strive for is not a "clown made up look" but a natural soft realistic look.

3. What type of make up do you use?  There are a number of companies that provide make up for the funeral industry, we do use a few items from "Dodge", such as lip wax, massage cream. But for the most part we purchase the makeup that we have had excellent results with and are "natural looking". Using items from Chanel, Estee Lauder to Cover Girl and Loreal. Dermablend is ideal for scars, port wine birthmarks,bruises scars etc.  One item that has been very useful for us is the "air brush" technique. Graftobain  makes a kit for the funeral industry. This item is great for covering,  bruises, liver mortis stain, green discoloration, jaundice etc. The makeup dries to a matte finish and will not rub off on clothes. Because of the changes the skin goes through upon embalming & heat loss, liquid foundation will not absorb into the skin well. A face in death can turn many different colors depending on what condition it was received in. It helps to know a little about color theory to counter act dark purple bruises, staining, pooling of blood, severally jaundiced skin, burned skin etc.  Also with the discoloration from any trauma to the face, recent illness, abrasions, skin slippage, chemotherapy, all these items have to be taken into consideration. Each case is different, and what you are striving for is to give the family a lasting "memory image" of their loved one whom they will remember with peace.

4. Can I do my own deceased's relative's makeup & hair? That depends. Again how comfortable are you working with the deceased, if it will bring you closure and the funeral director is okay with it, its possible. Each funeral home has their own set of standards of how much they will allow one to be involved. For one, once the funeral director has taken "possession" of the body, he is responsible for it until it is put in the ground. So they are going to be very "protective" of the body and entrust it to trained personnel who works under him. I can only speak for our funeral home, and it is a standing rule that no one other than trained personnel is allowed back in the morgue room "period"....now he has allowed a deceased's persons personal beautician come in to fix their hair but it will always be under his supervision.

5. How do you get the clothes on a person, aren't they stiff and heavy?  Good question! Yes dead weight is really "Dead Weight". Once the body has been washed, hair washed and embalmed. Our first job is to turn the body and wipe down every inch of it to dry it. Check for any cuts, open sores, weeping skin, drainage from the nose, ears, mouth, genitals etc. That may have been missed in the embalming process or developed even afterwards. (Yes even after being embalmed the body continues to decompose just at a much slower rate). The embalmer will sew up any open cuts, wounds, and seal areas that have the potential to leak. 
After this we cover the body with a sheet (yes, we are very meticulous about showing dignity and respect to the person we are preparing for viewing, its a hard fast rule with us, and no joking is allowed or off the wall comments).  If the family has brought in the items they want their loved one dressed in we proceed with those. A lot of times they don't think to bring underwear etc. So yes, we always put socks, hose on, some even want shoes on them (I had white suede buck shoes on my father that he wore on his wedding day to mom when he died, he looked so dapper). I've put hiking boots on, motorcycle boots the whole works.  Next is the underwear and bra. A tip I've learned with the bra, its a fact when women lay down the breast want to wander to under the arm (sigh *_*) And having been embalmed whichever position the body is placed in the embalming fluid is a "fixative" meaning, items pretty much stay placed where they are when the body is firmed up with the fluid. Soooo  I put the bra on and a try to form it to look natural, a little "fiber fill that is sold in craft store to stuff pillows" does wonders to fill the bra out and give more natural look and makes the clothes fit better. Now that expensive suit & shirt our outfit you brought in, unfortunately it is going to be but up the back. Yes I know (I can imagine the surprised look on your face). The whole purpose is that
1. we don't want to manipulate the body anymore than we have to  hence sitting them up would be difficult, they are "stiff" also body contents in the bowels could decide to move that had not been totally aspirated during embalming. 
2. You know how difficult it is to dress a wiggling baby or child. Well try dressing a large sized adult, that has no choice but to lay their passively. Rolling them from side to side, pulling, tugging on their clothing not only can rip or tear it but its plain difficult to manipulate arms  that are stiff.  
3. Some bodies can weigh in the excess of 240-300 lbs. It is a huge strain on the arms, legs, back of the person dressing the body. Hence the back of a skirt or pants will be cut to allow us to pull it on and drape it around the body. The top dress, shirt jacket etc is done the same and then we sew it together at the back of the neck. This keeps us from having to drag material over a face that has been heavily made up and ruining the outfit. After we have the body dressed, made up and hair done, they are ready to be placed in the casket. 

4.Do I have to be embalmed? No, not if you don't want, some religions don't allow it, I know that orthodox Jews do not encourage being embalmed.  But if your going to have a viewing, and the body is going to be held over for family to come in for a few days, then it will need to be embalmed, due to the fact that at the moment of death, the body starts to rapidly decompose, gasses build up, tissue discoloration sets in. 

5.Do I have to buy everything the Funeral Director is suggesting to me? First of all each funeral home generally has a price list made up (usually required by state law). ONLY the funeral director is able to quote you prices. I can only speak for our funeral home, we can quote you a price from a very simple dignified funeral to elaborate, depending on how much you want to memorialize you loved ones passing.  Funeral caskets vary in gauges of steel, locking, sealed, to veneer wood or real wood grain such as mahogoney, cherry, oak with velor or satin liners. And decorative trim/handles on the outside. Some have a drawer to put momento's of the deceased persons items in. A burial vault that goes over the casket is REQUIRED as it keeps the ground from sinking in over the casket and is an extra adherent to rain and damage to the casket. Some funerals homes have what they call a "loaner casket" which if the family wants a viewing they will have their loved one embalmed, dressed placed in our beautiful wood casket for viewing, then removed placed in a corragated box and then cremated. This helps with closure for family members that have not came to grip with the fact that their loved on is really gone. Be honest with your funeral director, he really is there to try and help, and work within your means. Some people get on line and buy their own caskets, and yes the funeral home does have to accept them. Just make sure they are made in the USA, I have seen some really flimsy looking ones shipped from overseas that I would not put my cat in.  Two companies I highly recommend is Batesville, and Aurora, outstanding quality and design and made with the highest standards. 

6. Do I have to go the route of a funeral home? No some people are make direct contact with their local mortuary and arrange for immediate cremation upon their demise. In some states you can even buy-pass the funeral home and cemetary.  But check with your state law first. A friend of mine who lives in an old log cabin and owns a few acres wants to be buried on his land and he is a wood worker at that. He was thrilled when I told him, that yes it was possible, of course, a doctor would have to pronounce him dead, his passing filed with the county office, death certificate's issued, and if it was a questionable death a coroner involved, but once he had clearance, he could be put in his own home made pine box and hoisted down in his own land, so long as their is at least 18" of dirt on top, and oh the other weird law is there has to be a road or drive way access to his burial plot.

7. What do they do to the eyes, mouth, nose etc? Do they super glue them shut or sew them?  I hear this question a lot. Once a person dies, the fluid in their eyes dehydrates and the eyeballs shrink,  an item that is called "eyecaps" are plastic disks inserted under the eyelids. They keep the eyelids closed and prevent the eyes from sinking into the orbit (later I'll download a picture of these). We don't glue the eyes shut as the embalming process firms up the tissue and holds it in place. Very rarely do we ever have to glue an eye shut unless there is some deformity or severe damage to the tissue. The mouth, we ask for the dentures or partial plates to fill the mouth out. Yes a small strip of thin gauze is placed in along the inner side of the jaw and cheek line, it helps to fill out the facial features where illness has already done a tragic loss of tissue fat in this area. Sometimes an embalmer will use injectible filler fluid to give added fullness to hands or facial areas that are sunken. If the family does not have dentures we have what is called "Mouth Formers" which are made of plastic  or metal devises used to replace the teeth when the natural teeth are missing.  The mouth is positioned in a natural position before embalming takes place which will firm it up, a needle injector is used to insert a "barb" small wire, into the mandible and maxilla to hold the lower jaw in a closed position. This way the jaw will not drop open and the mouth stays shut. Lip wax will be applied to the lips which helps fill in the crevices and any areas that appear to still be open, then lipstick applied with a brush. We use Nude tone on men. Again we strive for a natural relaxed position of the mouth, the mouth is very expressive and a lot of attention is directed to this area. The nose, will be cleaned and wiped dry, nose hairs trimmed and gauze will be placed in the cavity with forceps. You won't be able to see it, but again a preventive measure to make sure no body fluids escape. Sometimes a person who has a lot of fluid still on board even after embalming will "purge" leak from the mouth or nose, even ears. So these are areas, we constantly have to keep an eye on to make sure they remain dry at all times

8. I hate funeral homes, I don't even want to go to any of my friends or families funerals!!!!  That is certainly understandably. Really no one wants to deal with "death" something we would like to keep on the back burner forever. But unfortunately it happens, from the infants to the very old. Going to a funeral makes you think about your own mortality, and that is getting just a little too close and personal for some people.   Some really don't know what to say to the surviving family, they feel awkward,  out of place and the whole set up is strange. I have seen people not even able to walk through the funeral doors, some run straight to the rest room and throw up, others hyperventilate, and some just stand mute. Some are afraid to walk up to the casket, as if not looking will make it all go away. Others throw their selves on their loved one in deep grief, faint, some get angry at the one that passed feeling they "left them" and other's cry "I just want her to wake up". So we have to be prepared for a verity of reactions. All to often I see family members come so drunk someone has to walk them up and hold them up at the casket, they simply cannot deal with the reality their loved one has died. Yes death goes against everyting thing we long or hope for.  BUT if you can go, just know that even if you don't know what to say, and your as uncomfortable as all heck, the family members will "REALLY" appreciate your effort, if its nothing more than a hug.... Having lost many family members and both of my parents I know for a fact some things just really stuck out in my mind during those hours of their funerals. Despite having been in the industry for years, and my parents both had prolonged illness I still was not sure how I'd handle it. They knew I would be preparing their bodies, and conducting most of the funeral. How I'd get through it I was not certain. Speaking from my own experience, it was very healing and speeded up the grieving process to be so intimately involved. It gave me back some control over what had happened to me, and little gesters, and simple things that people did still stand out in my mind now long years after they have been gone. SO don't discount the small gesture that you do. bake something and take it to their house, 
bring a single rose and lay it by the casket or grave marker, 2-3 weeks call them or just drop by and bring a tea bag or some coffee, let them talk, they need an want to talk about what happened, you just need to listen. Don't feel like you have to give them advice, say they are in a better place, they just want to be heard.
It's sometimes the small simple things that many months later they will remember.

Okay this is it for today, future post will include pictures of embalming equipment. Makeup selection. (once I figure out how to attach those pic files). And more details, also links to my favorite funeral homes, cremation process, reconstruction of damaged & diseased bodies.  And stories of some really weird funerals, it seems sometimes a funeral can bring out the worst in familes (big sigh)!!!!